Self Esteem and Gods' Love

(From Isaac Deitz)

Chris asked me to write a blog about the question, "what should we base our self-esteem on?".
It has been two months since she has asked me and I will be honest I wasn't entirely thrilled on the subject, maybe because I thought the answer would be to basic and simple or whatever else. Maybe it's the kind of subject in Christianity that doesn't interest me as much as God's love, human interaction, our calling and many others. Because I am more interested in other things I don't seem to know much about this question. But I thought it would be fun to write about because I feel that God teaches me most when I write.
So I guess the short cliche answer would be "Jesus". Which sounds so 'bumper sticker', serviced answer, an answer that wouldn't seem to come out of theologians and philosophers mouths. But what I have been learning most recently is that a true philosopher and theologian would answer this exact way, even if it's the sunday school answer.
"Christians find it easier to believe that God exist than that God loves them" -Basil Hume
That quote needs to be read again. This has been changing my thinking. Though I truly believe that God loves me, I really haven't let it hit me. It's so much deeper than the bumper sticker or bracelet that says "God loves you". I think where we have a hard time believing this is, that God still loves us even in our worst state. When we sin, we think God hates us, then we start to hate ourselves, then we fall into the trap of just not trying anymore.
There are two different little league coaches, the ones that scream at you, threaten you and insult you and there are the ones that watch you mess up and teach you. God is the second one.
Here is what happens when we sin. Any and every sin is just a failure to Love God or Love people. Just as it's impossible to love your brother and steal from him at the same time. You may love him, but when you steal from him, that is when you loved yourself more. Now God is Love, so anytime we step away from love, we are stepping away from God and towards selfishness/pride. This is why the Bible says that Sin separates us from God. But no matter how much sin or hate we had or have in our lives, we need to realize that God loves us, and longs to be with us. But we cannot be with Him and still have hate. That is why we need to repent. We need to believe that God loves us and that belief makes us repent and want to change.
I had a best friend that I worked with, went to church with and went on road trips with. We hung out every waking day, just laughing and talking and joking and whatever else. He grew up in a notoriously judging church, that actually kicked him out of the church and made it against the law for him and half of the youth group to enter church grounds. This church kicked out parents and kids for the smallest things. My friend got detention three times for saying "wiz" as referring to peeing. Anyway, my friend joined the Army and we said goodbye but looked forward to hanging out more in the future. In his service he got his girlfriend pregnant and they both moved in the same house in New Orleans. I haven't talked to him sense. He won't return my phone calls, my messages, my emails or anything else. I got ahold of him once and put him on the guest list for a Family Force 5 show and he said he was going to come, and I kept asking the ticket booth if anyone claimed his tickets. Now his past upbringing gave him this mentality that everyone is judging him and if he does or did something wrong that he could never get out of that. He thinks that if I hang out with him I am going to preach to him, judge him, or even just look down on him. He's forgotten all the secrets he has told me of things he was ashamed of that didn't even make me flinch or change my love towards him. If I was to tell him one thing, or show him one thing is that I love him, I truly miss his friendship, I would love to hang out again and meet his kid and girlfriend. The fact that the baby is out of wedlock doesn't even faze me. I think if we could be friends again, my love for him would be a good influence on him, but it cannot do anything until he realizes that I truly care for him.
God doesn't hate us after we sin, he just says, "you just left me, but come back to me", then we sin again and he says, "you just left me, but come back to me" and again and again.
To believe in Jesus for me means to believe that God loves us. That God loved us enough when we were still sinners and even when we still sin, to send his son to show his love. Think about who Jesus hung out with, it was the people that didn't believe they earned God's love, but the people that just believed God loved them. The pharisees and self-righteous are the ones that believe they earned God's love at one point or are still earning it.
Jesus came for the sinners, not the self-righteous.
I didn't realize what it meant to be self-righteous until recently. I always thought it meant that you believe you are doing everything right. Which is kind of true, but it's believing that you earned God's love. Which would include believing that we have to earn God's love. Which both aren't true at all.
The sinners are the ones that believe and know God loves them, regardless of what they did, and they realize they are sinners, which allows us to understand grace.
If someone told a pharisee that Jesus loved them, they would think "well of course he does, why shouldn't he, I do great things". But it's when we believe that we are sinners, that we haven't done a thing to earn God's love, then learn that God loves us. It's when we learn and believe both is when we experience a life-changing grace that makes us want to serve Him and play in His baseball team.
It's then, when we want to truly make Him proud.
your friend,
-Isaac