Lesbian?

I'm not exactly sure how to start this one.. I know this is going to be very controversial.. and some of you are going to most likely get disgusted with me.. but hey.. it's kewl!! This is what I WENT through. What I LEARNED during a time I really didn't know who I was.

In 2002 I had so many things going on in my Christian life, I was helping build a church, making amazing new friends, and realizing that I had the gift of prophecy. God was putting "my guy" on my heart alot. I prayed for him a lot that year, who ever it was/is. God showed me things about the guy of my future that I wrote down, dated, and kept. Life was good. I moved out of my brothers house and lived on my own for a year. That's where everything went down hill. I lived over this guy who was a nazi. He was into all hitler stuff and it scared the heebie jeebies out of me. I started getting stalked not only by him but by other guys. nothing too too dangerous but it was unsettling. Guys came and went. I didn't really fall for any of them. I got torn apart by the first guy I actually fell for. It took me two years to get over that guy, but I finally did. During the year I lived on my own I started walking away from God. I didn't want anything to do with Him. The person that God was promising me was NOT in my life and I started thinking that maybe I was crazy and hearing things. So I put all my "prophecies" for me and him away.

I also put my hope in finding a guy away. I tunred to well.. Girls. I felt that since so many guys had treated me horrible, maybe I wasn't supposed to be with a guy. Maybe girls were it! Besides I'd been flirted with by more girls than guys so.. i started to actually believe that was where I was supposed to go. I totally turned my back on guys.

I was hurt and in this pit of where I just wanted someone to be with me. I wanted someone to love, someone to protect, someone to be there for.

In the back of my head I would hear the word of God whre God is speaking to Moses, "Do not lie with a man like a woman does. It is detestable." I was struggling so much with where my flesh wanted to go with what my heart and head knew about God. I pushed everything I knew about God away and kept to what I wanted. I didn't get a girlfriend though. I didn't date any females. But I struggled with it and at one point I really thought that's where I should go. I knew God would still love me. I also knew He wouldn't be able to bless me the way he wanted to if I followed the lie that Satan was feeding me.

Essentially what Satan was doing was trying to get me off the path that God wanted for me. It may not seem that way to those of you struggling but. If it's against the Bible and you're going that direction, You're not going to be blessed by God for doing it! The lie was that no Guy would ever love me, nor could he ever love me. I was settling for something that wasn't Gods' best for my life. We get our emotions mixed up, We tell our selves something and go for it not realizing that its NOT Gods' best for us. God lets us go through these things to show us things, to teach us.

Free will is tricky. God has given all of us free will to do and say the things we want to. God loves us, so he lets us do what WE THINK is best for us, what WE THINK we need. To let us learn from our mistakes.

I backed out.. I didn't see God bringing forth the promises he toldme in 2002. I was impatient! So I! walked away from God. IT was ALL ME. I was miserable during the 3 years I didn't want anything to do with God, or other guys for that matter.

Being a lesbian or being gay is very much against God it's against his Holy nature! It doesn't mean He doesn't love you any more. It means it's unholy. Just the same swearing, speaking vulgar, judging, murder, and other things are unholy. We NEED to rememeber and get it through our heads that God is HOLY! He's not our buddy.. he's not the guy down the street that seems perfect. He IS perfect. He sees everything that is against Him as unholy. If it doesn't glorify Christ/God it's not Him.

You know how when you were little your parents would say I know what's best for you! They meet a friend of yours and you're the best of friends! Your parents see something else in that person and tell you, they're not right for you. You argue with them until one day.. that friend totally turns their back on you and treats you like dirt! Well God.. knows more about everyone and everything than your earthly parents do and they were right....

He created Adam and Eve and I know it's cliche, but if there were supposed to be choices He would've created three different sets of couples in the beginning. A logic that I had to deal with through all this. And don't try to tell me that I'm wrong. I know my decision is correct, I still struggle with it, because i'm a mere human being. But my choice is Gods' choice and I can wait while he prepares my husband. He created one man for one woman, back in the beginning, so why would that change now?! Remember the Bible tells us that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. God is pretty clear cut He doesn't let us "guess" at what's right and what's not. He says it in the Word (in the old and new testaments). Lets put it this way, If Jesus spoke against it... It's unholy!

You may be going through something similiar. And honestly you may have given up and think you're supposed to take the path that I tried to take, but honestly God has sooo much better out there for you! I worked for a lesbian couple, they faught, and their views on things were totally different. They didn't have one thing in common. I think we try to make the person we like be "the one" or settle for someone we know is'n't the best for us because we don't trust in what God has for us.

This isn't to judge anyone. This is my feelings.. what I went through.

God has something planned for all of us! (Jeremiah 29:11) He doesn't HATE you for the decisions you make, even if they're not biblical. Understand that Satan does exist and he does ruin things for us. He steals things away from us and he tries to make us believe lies that well destroy who we are. If we don't stick it out and wait for Gods' best in any situation, we'll never know how happy we really could've been. I'm still waiting for Gods' best, but you know how much I'm learning about myself through this time! Do you realize how much closer to God i've become?! How much more I understand His love for me. I apologize if I'm upsetting some of you but the truth is, GOD HAS BETTER FOR YOU! THAN YOU have for yourself! His plans are flawless.. And he loves you no matter who you want to be...

It's sort of like you don't agree with something one of your friends like or believe but you still like them anyway.. That's God! Even if I were to take that path, God would still have loved me as much as he did and does. There is nothing that can separate us from the Love of God. But maybe it's time to start trusting that God has the best for you trust that He knows what He's doing and wait on the things that God wants to give you. God loves You.. God likes you..and He accepts you just the way YOU ARE!

Chris.